Defining Untimely Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation (also called rapid ejaculation/early ejaculation) is the most common of all sexual function disorders. It affects one out of three men. And even though it is incredibly common, there is not much discussion about it, there is a lot of shame surrounding it, and an enormous level of misunderstanding.
Let’s start with definitions. What is rapid ejaculation? The current medical definition is if the man ejaculates earlier than he would like, and this causes distress to him or his partner – that is rapid ejaculation. That seems like a pretty good definition. It leaves the definition firmly with the people involved in the ejaculation. If the man or his partner say it is a problem, then it is a problem.
Here at MAZE Health, we use a slightly different definition. We look at the total experience instead of counting minutes or seconds. If, during sex, the man is focused on preventing an ejaculation instead of having fun and connecting, then we will probably treat him for premature ejaculation.
The difference between the two definitions is important. The first one is focusing on how long a man is lasting before he ejaculates. The second definition is focusing on the man’s experience during sex. As a sexual health professional, I am far more concerned about the sexual experience and the feelings attached to it, than I am about the second hand on the clock.
As you may have noticed, both definitions are highly subjective. There is no defined span of time which intercourse must last. The average intercourse in America lasts 3-5 minutes. But average does not mean normal – and less (or more) than average does not mean abnormal!
Most men’s idea of how long intercourse should last is usually based on porn! Porn is fake. Porn is not real sex. There is nothing normal about porn (Look for my blog on porn!). Porn is a production company’s idea of how it can make money by filming sex scenes between actors. The length of intercourse we see in porn is not based on real life!
If you want to know how long intercourse should last, consult your partner. I had a husband and wife in a session, a couple months ago. He was frustrated with not lasting long enough (he was lasting 10 minutes!). I asked him how long he wanted to last; what would be a good length? He had no idea. I asked him how long his wife wanted intercourse to last. He had never asked her. I said, “Ask her now!”
She turned to him and said “Honestly, honey, 3-4 minutes is more than enough! It just doesn’t do that much for me. There are tons of other things I like better.” He was astounded! He said he had been trying to last longer thinking it was pleasing her – and the opposite was true! Now, everyone is different. But everyone needs to communicate about sex!
So, when it comes to rapid ejaculation, we can definitely help you last longer. But how long do you really want to last? Talk to your partner and then talk to us! Contact us for a free phone consultation.